After a draining day at university, filled with lectures and awkward seminars, many people turn to YouTube to wind down. Going down a YouTube rabbit hole is not uncommon, and perhaps you’ve taken a walk down memory lane in looking at old Vine compilations, or the best and worst moments of Dance Moms. My obsession was a bit different though, and not quite as leisurely: during my first year of university, I became addicted to StudyTube.
StudyTube involves creators posting motivational study content, from top tips on how to revise to productive 12-hour study day videos on YouTube.
The video that started it all for me was Ruby Granger’s ‘Was I offered a Place at Oxford University?’. From there, I found other creators such as UnJaded Jade, Eve Bennet, Jack Edwards and Ibz Mo etc. All of them have amassed over 100k subscribers, with Ruby at 600k.
Addicted to StudyTube
I was spellbound. Never before had I seen people openly discussing academic life on the internet. I attended school at a time when being invested in your school work was something to be hidden. Caring about your education wasn’t valued. Before every exam, students would claim they’ve done no revision. Therefore, finding StudyTube reassured me that wanting to succeed academically and having high aspirations is nothing to be ashamed of.
Seeing aesthetically pleasing notes, cute notebooks to jot down various to do lists and study with me videos hooked me in; so what started out as a late-night binge very quickly became a daily habit.
Initially, the videos helped me stay motivated and effectively balance my university work alongside my social life. I took inspiration from Eve Cornwall on how to effectively plan my essays, and I carried this advice throughout my time at university.
Toxic Productivity
“my prioritization of studying resulted in my cancelling of many social outings”
Without realising, I was falling into the trap of toxic productivity. Resultantly, I no longer allowed myself to take days off, leading me to sit studying at my desk for momentous periods of time. I refused to stop, despite feeling burnt out. Instead, I continued to push myself to read more books and research papers, helping me top over 30 sources in each essay – but the habit was excessive and unhealthy.
Furthermore, my prioritization of studying resulted in my cancelling of many social outings (something I deeply regret since lockdown). I became isolated in my work, missing out on memories with my friends.
Even when I did allow myself to relax by watching a show or a film, I struggled to enjoy it. It became incredibly difficult to focus on the plot as my mind kept returning to the mantra I’d made: work more.
With both personal relaxation time and my social life becoming increasingly difficult to access, my friends began to notice how withdrawn I had become. Pushing myself to constantly work led to me feeling exhausted and I had to nap frequently to accommodate my intense work schedule. My friends were desperate to help me and asked me what was going on. I confessed about everything: my studying routine, StudyTube, feeling empty. They told me to unsubscribe from all the StudyTube channels and to no longer watch any study content related videos.
“I developed a negative attitude towards my educational achievements which had a detrimental effect on my mental health “
I wish it could’ve been that easy. Nevertheless, confessing to my friends helped, and I was able to take time off. I went out with them again and I started to feel better. However, my happiness didn’t last long. During the days off, I’d check my subscription box and see a StudyTuber’s “productive day” video, and from that moment it was back to the beginning of my misery. I felt guilty that I didn’t do any work and built a resentment towards myself that I couldn’t be like them. I used to frequently doubt myself. One day off and I’d start to doubt whether I even belonged at university.
Last year, I achieved a first-class degree. Instead of celebrating or taking the time to be proud of myself, I kept thinking about StudyTubers: not even a degree is the last stop for them. For example, since graduating, Jack Edwards has gone on to publish a book. Where was mine? I developed a negative attitude towards my educational achievements which had a detrimental effect on my mental health.
Opening Up
Now I’m in my final year of university – I’m taking a journalism course after completing my Sociology degree – and I’m attending regular therapy. From my sessions, I’m learning to no longer compare myself to the success of others. One of my therapist’s recommendations was to reflect on my accomplishments of the day, instead of analysing incomplete to-do lists and feeling worthless. This has been vastly beneficial and I no longer overwork myself.
Unfortunately, social medial fuels comparison culture. One click on Twitter and I’m reminded of just how “far behind” I am in terms of career prospects against my peers who are posting job announcements. Having a few bad mental health days is completely okay. Recovery isn’t a crash course.
“Our journeys to success don’t need to be identical. There’s no race.”
This article isn’t intended to shift blame on StudyTubers; they’ve achieved remarkable successes that they should be immensely proud of. Each creator provides a different perspective on university life due to their personal background: perhaps being the first to attend university, or being from a working class background – the list goes on. I found myself inspired by Vee Kativhu, who through her channel and events such as Empowered By Vee helps underprivileged and underrepresented young people follow their aspirations and achieve their dreams.
Tackling education alongside a YouTube career is no easy feat and so I’m proud of all the creators within the StudyTube community. And, most importantly, I’m finally starting to be proud of myself. Our journeys to success don’t need to be identical. There’s no race. I’ll achieve my dreams at my own pace.
Ece Celik
Featured Image via Green Chameleon on Unsplash. Image license is available here. No changes were made to this image.
