“No. No. Come on, you can walk this last little bit. Come on. No.” I say as I pick my soon-to-be three year old daughter up, again, to reluctantly carry her home on our daily ‘hour of outdoor exercise’ walk, again.
In the thick of lockdown (late March to late May) this was a daily occurrence without fail. Despite the challenges of varying ages and walking speeds, that time allowed outside was our gold dust. The open air helped us cope with the overwhelming fear, sadness and anxiety that came with living through a pandemic. So, no matter the weather, we walked.
Lockdown sure did transform the family routine we had been so used to. Work, school, university and varying social lives meant that before lockdown we were like passing ships in the night. Then, all of a sudden, we were all in this together. Literally, within the same four walls.
The lockdown was enforced two weeks before my dissertation was due, shortly followed by another deadline and an exam in May. Finishing my degree in lockdown was not how I had predicted this year panning out. Sure, it was a disappointment. But, all I really felt was anxiety. I kept thinking ‘how on earth am I going to complete my degree to the standard I had planned?’. Fear set in. Pre-Covid, my mental stability heavily relied on keeping busy and being academically productive. I knew that wouldn’t be a possibility if we went into lockdown.
My daughter was now home full time after no longer being eligible to attend her childminder’s. My two younger siblings were schooling themselves online at home. My mum was working full time as a key healthcare worker. And, seeking childcare help from family and friends was now strictly against government guidelines.
My sister’s first year of high school came to an abrupt, premature end. She was no longer able to see her school mates or spend time socialising with anyone but us. The same happened with my brother who is in his third year. He had just chosen his GCSE options, only to have to teach himself the rest of the year’s curriculum from online set work, and not speak directly to his teachers for months.
“It was heartbreaking how much my young daughter and siblings were missing out on socially”
Being a key healthcare worker, my mum didn’t bat an eyelid at showing up to work mid-pandemic with the same proactive attitude she always had. She would seem mentally and emotionally exhausted after most working days. She would come home after her shift, put her uniform in the wash and head straight upstairs to shower. I could tell it was hard on her, but it became the new normal.
I was used to seeing my friends regularly, and my daughter hers. She would ask me “Mummy, why is the park closed?”, “Mummy, where are there germs?”, “Mummy, where’s *insert extended family members name*?”. It was heartbreaking how much my young daughter and siblings were missing out on socially, even more so than myself and my mum. Their opportunities for social development had almost completely been halted.
“We became an even stronger (albeit sometimes slightly dysfunctional) team.”
The lack of adult human connection over the first few months of lockdown had left my social energy depleted. A lot of days, I would describe my general attitude as ‘uninspired’ at most. Although those days in lockdown were difficult in a lot of ways, I did manage to see the bright side. Looking back, the amount of extra time I spent with my daughter is something I will probably never have the opportunity to have with her again. Spending more time with my siblings has made us closer and we would have never had the time in usual life. We all did genuinely have some lovely times together. We became an even stronger (albeit sometimes slightly dysfunctional) team.
And now? I’m graduating with a first class degree and managed to find work mid-pandemic. My daughter has been reunited with her little friends and our beloved extended family. My sister is headed into her second year of high school, my brother is starting his GCSE studies, and my mum is now and always will be my healthcare hero. As the lockdown has eased and I have been somewhat been reunited with friends and family, there are numerous ‘mundane’ luxuries I will try not to take for granted ever again. Especially my big, messy, lovely family.
Jessica Morris
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Feature Image courtesy of @jonflobrant via Unsplash.
