When first thinking about writing this article, there were two ideas that I was toying with. The first one, in response to the question ‘what have you achieved during lockdown?’ was that I had achieved a 20-year overdue film education. Though this is true, I was pondering whether it was something interesting enough to write an article on, and if it is even something that could be considered an ‘achievement’. So, trying to think of something more philosophical and insightful than watching some films for the first time, my alternative idea was the achievement that I had, again for the first time, come near to achieving peace with the idea of not being busy and crazily ‘productive’ all of the time.
My second achievement is without a doubt the more insightful option, but then I realised that it was learning to be ok with not being busy and ‘productive’ that allowed me to discover these films and to actually enjoy sitting and watching them. So here we have it – this article is now about both of these things: how learning to be ok with not being crazily busy 24/7 allowed me to open my eyes to the idea of relaxing, watching films I had never ‘had the time’ for and how this was by far my biggest lockdown achievement.
I do not think I ever realised quite how fixated I was on always doing something useful with my time until I went to University. All my school life I had experienced crammed timetables, long days, extra-curricular rehearsals, out of school rehearsals and revision, revision, revision. I do not think I ever did anything because I enjoyed it – I did everything because I had to. Even music, which is my hobby, became a slight chore in amongst academic work. But suddenly at University, my timetable was incredibly sparse, I had time for academic work, lectures AND a social life AND time for myself.
“It took pretty much the entire three years of my degree to be ok with having time to myself, time when I did not rush out to the library, or to a coffee shop to do work on days when I was not timetable.”
My housemate, on the other hand, was fine with not doing a lot (perhaps a bit too fine, sorry Lyd). She was therefore not particularly impressed with my compulsive need to be out of the house doing work or reading or running or whatever it was that I decided was much more important than taking time to myself, either. Though I did get better at calming down occasionally; when lockdown hit and suddenly, I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere and do anything, I was definitely challenged.
Given my need to be doing useful things all of the time, it probably comes as no surprise that I am (actually, was), not a film lover.
“Two hours of sitting and doing nothing? No thank you – what a waste of precious, productive time!”
Pre-lockdown I could count the number of films I had watched on one hand. It will also probably come as no surprise that my housemate (again you, Lydia), loves films, and was deeply appalled when I announced my hand film thing. So, as we parted to go home on the brink of lockdown, she wrote me a list of all the films that she believed I had to watch, setting me the task of watching them all during lockdown. I was not optimistic, but on my first night at home I sat and watched ‘Dreamgirls’ and was so completely engrossed that I did not even notice the time passing. After that I was hooked and worked my way through all of the films on the list, enjoying most of them, but also enjoying being able to sit and watch them without worrying that I wasn’t doing anything else, because during lockdown there was nothing else I should have been doing anyway.
Here are a few of the films that were listed for me, films that I had (apparently shockingly) never seen in my 21 years on this Earth. I mentioned ‘Dreamgirl’s already, there were also many Studio Ghibli films, all the Star Wars collection (which I did enjoy perhaps far too much and binged in the few days before my Dissertation was due), ‘Jurassic Park’ (despise this film and still hate Lydia for even suggesting I watch it), the ‘Back to the Future’ trilogy, ‘The Truman Show’, ‘Star Trek’ and many others. Basically, all the films that I, admittedly, wish I had seen before now.
Regardless, watching these films was an achievement because of what they meant.
“They meant that I was alright with sitting and switching off to stare at a screen for two hours without feeling guilty about not doing something ‘useful’ or ‘productive’.”
It meant that I was pushing my extremely small attention span and trying to focus on nothing but the film (though I will admit this was not always successful. *Spoiler* at the end of ‘Rogue One’ I had no clue that everyone had died. Completely oblivious. No attention paid whatsoever), and on a not so deep note, it meant that I had watched those films that apparently everyone should watch.
So, there is my long-winded but extremely valuable lockdown lesson: the lesson of relaxing, and one that stuck with me even when normal life sort of resumed and I had work to do and plans to make. A lesson that challenged 21 years of the opposite behaviour. That, to me, makes it a huge achievement.
Amelia Cutting
Featured image courtesy of @congerdesign via Pixabay.