Charlotte Ashley
TW: Mental health, anxiety, panic attacks and extreme low moods.
University is sold to us at 18 as a time to party, drink and finally be free from your parents’ curfews. But no one tells you about the anxiety and stress you may endure in your final year.
You find yourself unsure of how to cope, whilst being hit with a dissertation and deadlines at every turn.
The Dream
When we think of moving away from home to live independently, we think about the joys of meeting new friends while studying our passion. The angst of what lies ahead is not something on the agenda – this was the case for me at least.
“nothing prepared me for what was to come.”
When I moved to Oxford for my studies it was just under an hour away from my hometown. It gave me the sense of freedom I had desired since lockdown hit in 2020, but it was also a doable commute if I needed to come home.
Of course, I had my worries about moving away from home – but nothing prepared me for what was to come as I hit the last semester of my final year.
As a Media, Journalism and Publishing undergraduate, the vast amount of coursework has been the root of the anxiety I have endured.
Recent research released by the BBC suggests students’ mental health is associated with their subject of study. However, I have witnessed that regardless of the degree they’re studying for, students face great stress, especially in their final semester.
The subject we study should not be what validates (or invalidates) our emotions.
My experience
Even though I am someone who gets stressed from academic work, I had been fortunate enough to have never experienced extreme anxiety before – that was until I returned to uni in January 2023 to complete my final year.
The constant tightening of my chest and avoidance of socialising was something I had never encountered before, and I knew then – I needed to seek help.
“The sleeve of my jumper was soaked in tears as I covered my mouth to prevent the sound from being heard.”
My most telling sign things were taking a turn for the worst was during my first week of term in January. During this week, I had been experiencing anxiety brain fog. I came out of a Tuesday morning lecture and felt utterly overwhelmed by the assignments, deadlines and content that was ahead of me.
Feeling dazed and having difficulty concentrating was just the latest manifestation of my anxiety. I ran to the nearest toilet.
My chest started to tighten as I sprinted, and once in the cubicle, I locked the door and quietly sobbed. The sleeve of my jumper was soaked in tears as I covered my mouth to prevent the sound from being heard.
“I lay in my bed until the sun started to set, sobbing, feeling like I had completely lost myself.”
I had planned to meet my friend for lunch and continue studying that afternoon, but the minute my chest started to tighten and my heart began to race, I knew I couldn’t face it.
With my heart racing, I came home – and things did not improve. I lay in my bed until the sun started to set, sobbing, feeling like I had completely lost myself. I had no urge to leave my room, a feeling which continued for several weeks.
I had never struggled with anxiety so badly before, and I saw my GP as the only way out – I knew I had to make the call.
Working through it
After the phone call appointment with my GP, they suggested I had my bloods tested, at which point I came back as iron deficient. This made sense when it came to explaining my fogginess, lack of concentration and extremely low moods – but it didn’t explain how anxious I was feeling.
I have done everything to be as proactive as possible since experiencing these extreme emotions. Since the call with my GP, I have been having bi-weekly meetings with Student Support, as well as with academic advisors at my university. Places where I am able to express my feelings week by week.
Having the opportunity of support outside of office hours via email also really helps. If my anxiety peaks at any point in the evening, being able to write it all down to have reassuring words the next day is so refreshing.
Connecting regularly with family and friends has also been really important. Allowing yourself to be open and not shy away from feeling embarrassed is the most empowering thing you can do. Whether it’s an hour-long conversation with your mum, or back-to-back messages with a friend, expressing how you feel is the biggest help when it seems anxiety has entirely consumed you.
As someone who was completely new to this feeling, who felt more alone than ever even with people around me, I can assure you – current student, graduate student, or anyone suffering – even though anxiety can be a terrifying encounter, it can be overcome.
- If you are struggling with your mental health right now, contact Student Minds or Anxiety UK for support.
Featured image courtesy of Elisa Ventur via Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.
