Pink exercise mat and weights.

Trigger warning: discussion of negative body image

Cara Rogers

Building an empowering relationship with exercise, detached from the pressures of body image, can be challenging for those raised in a generation exposed to damaging beauty ideals.

At the age of 13, thigh gaps were all the rage. At age 14, one of my favourite YouTubers uploaded a video titled ‘What I eat to stay skinny’ – I watched it, naturally. At 15, I heard my peers commenting cruelly on the bodies of those around me. By age 16, a whole host of damaging ideals had been internalised by me and so many other young girls like me. Toxic rhetoric around body image was the defining sound of the 00s.

Hand in hand with the perpetual quest to look good (read: skinny) was the age-old question of how to achieve it. The answer? Exercise.

Growing up, it was difficult to view exercise as much more than a means to an end. I did not exercise for the fun of it, because it made me feel good, or because I enjoyed the activities I was partaking in. Instead, exercise was a burdensome chore that had to be completed to avoid being deemed undesirable.

‘I don’t workout to look good, I workout to feel good’

Enter the pandemic. I, like countless others, found myself with ample time to reassess my habits and lifestyle. Various lockdowns pushed me into a low mental state, with little motivation to overcome it.

One day, after a particularly intense crying session, a family member insisted that I join them for a workout session in our living room. I was sceptical, still sniffling and engulfed in self-pity, as I began.

“Now, I crave the endorphin rush that comes post-workout, the buzz of my body as I start to get it moving.”

But as I did, I realised something, albeit begrudgingly. Feeling my heart pumping, sweat pouring off of me, and immersing my mind in the all-consuming activity of working out left me feeling good. It turns out that people weren’t lying when they said that exercise lifts your mood.

Slowly but surely, I got into the habit of working out because it made me feel good. Now, I crave the buzz of my body as I get it moving, the endorphin rush that comes post-workout, and the way a gym session clears my mind of any troubles.

Working out was no longer about checking off a to-do list. I was exercising because I actively sought the positive feelings that it brought about.

Now, at the ripe age of 22, I find myself with a positive relationship with exercise — thanks to an amazing trainer, fitness community and a whole host of soul-searching. I don’t workout to look good, I workout to feel good.

Confronting societal conditioning on body image

And yet, I’d be lying if I said that I’ve completely cast off the shackles of an upbringing against the backdrop of the 00s media. There’s a cynical part of me that asks whether we can ever completely rid ourselves of the societal norms that condition us to view exercise solely as a means to an end.

“Instead of trying to fully escape these thoughts, I try and make peace with them”

Yes, a good sweat makes me feel amazing, but a small part of me, on occasion, still pushes myself further with the intention of “burning the extra calories”. The fact is, breaking free from a toxic relationship with beauty standards is difficult.

Nowadays, instead of trying to erase these thoughts, I try and make peace with them. If I slip into self-critical thought patterns as I workout, I acknowledge them, but I don’t dwell on them. Instead, I actively try to shift my thoughts onto something more positive. I may give myself a compliment or reflect on feelings of pride, for instance.

It’s cheesy, but consciously committing to challenging internal toxicity works. I counter negative self-talk with positive and empowering thoughts, choosing encouragement over criticism.

Making peace with ‘imperfect’ body image

I don’t know if I’ll ever escape the desire to look a certain way. But I’m not willing to be hard on myself for struggling to break free from the body image matrix. Like so many other young girls and women, I care what I look like, and that’s not another thing worth adding to my list of self-criticisms.

“Escaping the trappings of beauty ideals is a difficult task, and it’s not one that I want to drive myself crazy to reach”

Instead of seeking to dispel deep-rooted ideologies about body image, beauty and exercise, I focus on feeling good. I think about getting my heart pumping and blood flowing; dancing, leaping and smiling with the people working out with me.

Escaping the trappings of beauty standards is a difficult task, and it’s not one that I want to drive myself crazy trying to achieve – I just want to enjoy the habits that make me feel good. For now, that means exercising for joy and not punishment.

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Featured image courtesy of Elena Kloppenburg via Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.

Cara is a freelance lifestyle and culture writer based in Manchester. When she's not writing opinion pieces about pop culture or the latest social media trends, she's trying out new veggie recipes and listening to podcasts.

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