Virtual first dates can be weird, slightly uncomfortable, and their success hinges entirely on your broadband provider. But here’s my case for making them standard practice, even when we’re legally allowed to go out again.
When it came to dating, I was excited by the prospect of lockdown number one: what a great opportunity to focus on myself and not get hung up on Hinge and Tinder notifications from strangers who would likely turn out to be oddballs. A pessimistic take on the dating app scene perhaps, but disastrous first meet-ups had almost become my USP before we were thrown into the midst of a pandemic.
While I’d seen lockdown as a get-out-of-jail-free card on the dating app front, two of my closest friends ploughed on and within months, they acquired new boyfriends. As their virtual relationships radiated that slightly sickening new love glow, my resolve to keep off the apps crumbled entirely, and I was back to flicking my way through London’s most (and least) eligible bachelors.
Re-entering the world of Hinge didn’t take long – all of my carefully selected photos and attemptedly witty prompts were all lined up ready and waiting, slightly smug, as if they’d known it wouldn’t be long before I’d come crawling back to their singleness-solving services. The app that’s ‘designed to be deleted’ indeed.
But there is something to be said for the virtual date. So much so in fact, that I’m putting it in the basket of things we should take with us into post-pandemic life.
With social distancing well established, app users padded into the alien world of the virtual date. It may have been a reluctant transition, but it was either that or build up a text relationship for who knows how long, only to finally meet and realise there wasn’t an iota of chemistry when it came to actual conversation.
The whole Match.com family was encouraging the virtual meet-up with various in-app call functions, and even more traditional dating platforms like the Guardian’s Blind Date column carried on with business as usual, offering digital dining experiences with strangers in lieu of restaurant outings.
But there is something to be said for the virtual date. So much so in fact, that I’m putting it in the basket of things we should take with us into post-pandemic life, along with the litres of hand sanitiser at every shop entrance and the floor stickers that remind fellow Aldi shoppers that there are other spaces to breathe in besides the back of other queueing customers’ necks.
So what are the perks of the virtual date?
Firstly there’s the cost. I don’t want to tar myself with the ‘serial dater’ brush, but going on a lot of first dates, particularly in London, can get extraordinarily pricey. Why not save splashing the cash and the awkward no-honestly-I-don’t-mind-splitting-the-bill tussle for a second date, when you’ve at least got an inkling as to whether you’ll enjoy the other person’s company.
I should stress that it is probably possible to go on a date with somebody who isn’t your perfect match and still feel like it was worth your while – it’s just not happened to me yet.
Then there’s the time it takes to go on a date. Our gut feeling is the closest thing we’ve got to a superpower, and sometimes you just instantly know whether somebody will tick the right boxes. Equally if you get that immediate plunging sensation that they absolutely won’t, then you may well regret the socially accepted minimum of an hour you’ve devoted to the person opposite. Keeping a virtual date short and sweet feels a lot less awkward than leaving a bar after half an hour, plus you don’t have to factor in travel time.
Finally there’s the effort. Going on a real-life date can involve a lot of prep, and getting all dressed up only to realise your date isn’t what you’d hoped can feel like a wasted effort. I’m not saying turn up to your virtual date in a bean-stained T-shirt with your hair in its ready-for-bed pineapple updo, but a slightly pixelated camera only showing the top half of your body is your best friend when it comes to saving time on the pre-date preening.
The most crucial factor of all is of course: the spark. The feeling of having known somebody for an age despite having only just met, coupled with the sensation that time is dissolving around you and you don’t even notice.
I should stress that it is probably possible to go on a date with somebody who isn’t your perfect match and still feel like it was worth your while – it’s just not happened to me yet.
Of course there are hundreds of factors you can only find out about a person by meeting them in the real world. How do they smell? Do they backwash excessively while drinking wine? Are they going to be so rude to the bar staff that you’ll be considering a swift bathroom window exit?
Naturally, these are all very important factors to find out while dating somebody, but the most crucial of all is of course: the spark. The feeling of having known somebody for an age despite having only just met, coupled with the sensation that time is dissolving around you and you don’t even notice. This is something you can at least get a feel for during a digital date.
I’m not suggesting that we sack off the real-life date altogether. But as a first stepping stone to see if you want to devote a chunk of your time, money and effort to having a real in-person date with an app match, the virtual date is ideal. As for the smell and the backwash, you’ll just have to keep your fingers crossed if you do decide to pursue that second date.
Hannah Ward-Glenton
Featured image by Fadi Xd on Unsplash. The license for this image can be found here. No alterations were made to this image.