When the lockdown was first announced, it felt like the world had come crashing down. Everything I had been working towards was suddenly cancelled and initially all I did was cry. As time passed and I started coming to terms with the new ‘normal’, I was left lost and confused about what I was supposed to be doing for the next six months.
In order to distract myself from the chaos, I thought I’d try baking, something I’ve always loved but never made enough time for, or try to exercise more, another thing I always make excuses for. Evidently I wasn’t the only one with this idea as there appears to be a national shortage of flour and I’ve never seen so many people running and cycling when I’m out walking my dog. However, I’ve recently noticed I’m getting more and more exhausted yet this is the emptiest my calendar has ever been.
As I look at social media, nobody else seems to be struggling with this burnout. Is it even possible to call it burnout when I’m not actually doing anything of great substance? All I could see was people learning new languages and painting masterpieces. And whilst I’m glad to see others rejoicing in their new found hobbies, I can’t help but feel guilty that I can’t match their productivity.
Everyone seems to be neglecting how emotionally demanding this time is. Although for the first time in my life I have no deadlines or schoolwork, the emotional challenges set to us by this crisis are far more consuming than any exam I could ever sit. Our ‘normal’ lifestyle involves us juggling as many different tasks as humanly possible but now our old ‘normal’ is gone. As a coping mechanism, people have thrown themselves into new skills as a distraction because they don’t know how to handle being alone with their thoughts.
Our society doesn’t schedule time to understand thoughts into ‘normal’ life and generally we aren’t very good at it. We avoid thinking and instead busy ourselves with other tasks so when we are forced to process these thoughts, it is incredibly emotionally consuming. It may seem unproductive when you compare your current achievements to what you were doing two months ago but allowing yourself to just think will be far more rewarding for you and your mental health than learning Italian ever could be.
We are fearing for our health, the health of those around us, our futures and the future of our world. So, forgive yourself if you are struggling and you don’t match the productivity standards of others. It’s a pandemic, you’re allowed to find it difficult.
Ella Gilbert
Featured image courtesy of Kevin Bhagat on Unsplash. This image has in no way been altered. Image license is available here.
Ella Gilbert
Ella is History and Spanish student at the University of Sheffield. She is the social media manager for Empoword and a keen writer for various publications. When not writing or studying (which is far more often than she'd like to admit), you can find her exploring the outdoors, going out for drinks with friends, or in bed with Netflix and TikTok.