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Are love stories making us fall out of love with romance?

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Three love stories on a shelf next to a coffee mug backed by greenery.

Image from Unsplash

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Fewer chick flicks are hitting the cinemas and real love stories seem few and far between. So, it’s time we look at how we’re talking about and consuming romance.

Love stories are some of the greatest tales we tell. Children are raised with fairy tales with a prince and princess living happily ever after. Adults swoon over meet cutes in films. But aside from the Taylor Swift songs and Disney productions, it seems every other piece of media takes a different approach to love. From slow burn, enemies-to-lovers and forbidden love, the stories we consume are dramatic, intense and captivating. 

Whilst we see romcoms like Anyone But You and classic 2000s flicks like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days depicting the red-cheeked, flirty thrills of new relationships, an overwhelming amount of media now portrays the loveless, slow and agonising death of romance. A whole sub-genre of books aimed at middle-aged romance readers features a protagonist in an unhappy marriage, whilst popular shows like One Day depict multiple romances that end in arguments and resentment. BookTok novels explore the end of relationships and breakups, and even social media is flooded with conversations about past relationships, divorce and falling out of love. 

 

These tropes explore one common idea – love dies. Many suggest that the love was there in the first place, showing the heady romance of a new relationship as you fall for a person, uncovering their flaws like it’s an expedition into the core of them. Yet, through longevity, the stress of life and the mundane every day, this love supposedly fades and slips away. 

Love In The Real World 

Whilst the divorce rate in the UK is around 40 percent, this doesn’t reflect the real world. Love is not a finite resource, one that can be used up or disappear. Whilst many things can strain a relationship, the world preaches the power of love and the forces it can withstand. For the media we consume to suggest otherwise is cynical. 

“Building narratives and stories around the idea that romance doesn’t last only persuades people not to look for it”

Marriage therapist Angel Thomson points out that love requires effort from the beginning. Often, this is far more important than just loving an individual. She states: “It is a myth that relationships should be easy and require little effort. Strong relationships require building a foundation, knowingness and acceptance of the other. They require a commitment to each other, and ongoing investment of time, effort, attention, and care.”

To consume media that suggests relationships fall apart over milk left out of the fridge, or just the death of affection, as a teenager or young person can only do harm. In a world that already treats dating like a game, has normalised ‘situationships’ and a profound lack of exclusivity, building narratives and stories around the idea that romance doesn’t last only persuades people not to look for it or worse, to close themselves off from it. Whilst these books may be a comfort for those struggling through a breakup, to centre so many books, films and plots around this notion is defeatist and pessimistic. 

The Fix 

Thomson suggests that the issue with this narrative is that the underlying cause is not explored – love fades when it isn’t strong from the beginning or nurtured. “Couples break up over ‘small issues’ because they never built a foundation and were never fully invested and committed to the relationship. Romance fades in relationships that stop prioritizing it. Couples who intentionally create time for connection, fun, playfulness, intimacy, thoughtfulness, keep romance alive because they create opportunities for it,” she explains. 

Image courtesy of Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Whilst not every relationship is destined to be successful, many aren’t even given the chance to be. Consider trends on TikTok urging women to let go of men who don’t text back within the hour. There is also a discourse around how relationships should all look a certain way. Even our fictional love stories that have the licence to be a bit romanticised seem to follow this same cynicism. So, it’s no wonder that we are seeing more women choosing to be single, such as the viral 4B movement originating in Korea. 

The Underlying Meanings 

This kind of media presents another harmful narrative around the ending of relationships. They circulate the idea women cannot be themselves in relationships, or are unable to achieve their goals whilst married. In many of these stories, women thrive only after their “loveless” relationships end, with some finding new hobbies, new loves or even starting their own companies. This raises the idea that these things cannot be achieved inside a marriage, that women can’t grow and develop as people or really explore themselves and their interests in coupledom. 

But focusing so much media around the breakdown of a woman’s relationship also paints the picture that her relationship status is the most important thing about her. Arguments have been made about how the prevalence of romance in even the least romantic films, which often side-lines women as nothing more than a romantic interest paints relationships as the most important thing a woman could do, and setting multiple stories around the downfall of a relationship could arguably bolster that same narrative. 

Whether this rampant cynicism around love within media has a lasting effect is hard to tell. But it is clear that romance and relationships are treated very differently in society and in fictional works now. Situationships are abound, and marriage rates are at an all-time low in Britain, suggesting we are also falling out of love with love, just as the media is. Is this a real issue we need to address, or are we just playing at being heartbroken? 

After all, love is the best thing we do. 

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Featured image courtesy of Elin Melaas on Unsplash. No changes made to this image. Image license found here.

I am a fashion writer and stylist. I love anything travel and have an obsession with Hummus. I have written for Fashion North, Luxe magazine, Sunderland Vibe and the Telegraph.

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