In an attempt to combat the stigma around periods, journalist and author Milli Hill’s new book ‘My Period’ informs young girls what to expect when going through puberty. Milli has focused on championing women’s health with her previous work focusing on women’s pregnancies. Lauren McGaun caught up with Milli to find out about the inspiration behind her book and advice for freelance journalists starting out in their career.
Where did the inspiration behind your new book ‘My Period’ come from?
Well I’ve been writing about women’s experience of birth for quite a long time now and became interested in the connection between the stigma and negativity around both childbirth and periods. As a mother of three – two of whom are girls – I’m really keen for my kids to grow up with a respect for the power of the female body, rather than any feelings of shame or negativity around it. I attended a workshop about the cycles with an amazing teacher called Jane Hardwicke Collings about three years ago and this got me thinking further about first periods, and how we talk to our daughters about this event, and how this might impact on them and lay down foundations for how they feel about their female bodies. And I had also been thinking about how much information is missing in what we teach children about periods. It tends to be quite practical – ‘there will be some blood, you can use these different products, it happens once a month’, etc! But not much about how you will feel, or about how periods are all part of a cycle and that you can make this knowledge work for you. I wanted to address that.
https://twitter.com/millihill/status/1358456444119633921
Women often feel embarrassed when discussing women’s health and menstruation so do you think that it’s important to break down those barriers and how can this be achieved?
“Not enough is known or understood about women’s health in a world where the male body has consistently been thought of as the ‘default’.”
I think that’s absolutely vital, and it’s amazing how ingrained it is, in all of us! We still hide our tampons up our sleeves! And many people still hesitate to use the correct words for body parts, for example, or aren’t sure of the difference between a vagina and a vulva! And there are so many reasons why it’s important to break down the barriers, mainly because a lot of them are representative of shame and stigma. This stigma perpetuates the idea that women’s bodies are something distasteful or dysfunctional. We talk a lot about body confidence and I think it’s important to think about this not just as how we feel about how we look, but also how we feel about what our body does, and it’s capabilities. Also, as we know, not enough is known or understood about women’s health in a world where the male body has consistently been thought of as the ‘default’. This is detrimental to women, and it’s also part of the same package of stigma – we need to talk about women’s bodies and refuse to accept that that dysfunction is just something women have to put up with, before anything can change.
Period Poverty also remains a huge issue for young women not just in the UK but globally. Do you think governments are taking enough actions to combat this?
I think there has been some great progress in this area in recent years and there are some amazing activists and campaigners who are working hard to change things. There is always more that can be done and no woman should have to struggle without the products she needs.
How important do you think it is for young women to have role models in their life in order to guide them through puberty and transitioning into adulthood?
This is vital and of course, we are all role models to young women, whether we like it or not! For this reason, it’s useful to do some work on ourselves, and think about our own experiences of puberty, what messages we were given and have internalised, how we feel about being female, what we think and feel when we look in the mirror naked, etc! If we do this work on ourselves we can potentially help to break cycles of negativity and low self esteem with our daughters and other young people in our life.
What do you see as the main message that you wanted to convey in your ‘My Period’ book?
That periods aren’t something to be afraid or ashamed of, and that the female body is actually quite fascinating, powerful, and clever! I want the book to kick-start a lifetime of body curiosity and body positivity for girls.
Alongside writing books, you are also a successful freelance journalist. Do you have any tips for our contributors on how to succeed in freelance journalism and are there any challenges you’ve had to overcome in your freelance journey?
For me, it has really helped to specialise. Almost by accident I became a ‘go to’ person for a few editors on birth, motherhood and women’s reproductive health. Apart from that, I think it just helps to always deliver good, accurate copy to deadline, and keep pitching! For a long time, I used to pitch to the same editor (Emma Barnett!) two or three times a week, most of the pitches were rejected but some weren’t and this was how I ended up a columnist at Telegraph Women! Some of it is also luck though – when a fantastic editor called Abigail Blackburn read a very early piece I did for the Telegraph and asked me to write about Kate Middleton’s birth choices being judged for a new online version of Best Magazine, the piece I wrote went hugely viral. That led to me writing a weekly column for them for about two and a half years! Mainly that was about synchronicity. It’s a mix. As for challenges, well – doing it whilst parenting small children, mainly!
https://twitter.com/millihill/status/1159084223627702274
Many women also suffer from imposter syndrome when it comes to journalism, do you think this is particularly a gender issue and are men naturally more confident?
“We’ve all got to stop putting up with this crap if we ever want to break the cycle!”
100% I think men are more confident and less apologetic, and this affects so many areas, not just journalism. I think that’s been well documented and we can see that even in the patterns of language men use, there is less self doubt. At the age of 46, I still try to proof read my own emails etc and take out any tone that shows a lack of confidence. “Hope it’s ok to raise this…” “My feeling is that possibly…” etc! I think it’s a habit we women are all still working to break! It’s possible to be polite and friendly whilst still being clear and unapologetic. But while all the women know all this, we are still somehow putting our sons in t-shirts with slogans like ‘Roar’ and ‘Hero’ and our daughters in t-shirts with slogans like, “Pretty” and “Be Kind”. We’ve all got to stop putting up with this crap if we ever want to break the cycle!
How have you been juggling working from home whilst raising children and do you think that this is still a barrier from women when they’re trying to succeed in their careers, having to juggle childcare commitments around work?
“Looking back, I do wonder if I made the right decisions.”
Absolutely. It’s incredibly difficult. I’m very lucky to have a partner who also works from home, and can be flexible, and who is also very supportive of me (as I am of him!). I have complex feelings about this. I came into parenthood from a background as a therapist, mainly working with children. The work I did was attachment based and I worked with a lot of children who did not have secure attachments, so it was very important to me to make this a priority. I then breastfed my babies, and I think this can naturally lead to a situation where you become the primary person for your child. I chose not to see this as a negative, but to take on that role for a few years and go fully into it. I loved it, I loved the closeness with those little people, I loved seeing developmental psychology in action, and I felt validated feeling that I was doing something important. However, I did also start to feel frustrated after a while and that I needed something more, which was how I ended up blogging and then moving into freelance journalism and writing books. Looking back, I do wonder if I made the right decisions. How would life have been different if I had kept in my therapy career, and the kids had all been in nursery more, etc? Would that have been a better choice, for me, for our family, our kids? I don’t have the answer. I think it’s a very complicated time in life for women, in particular if they are already mid career. Lots of women, like I did, do tend to reinvent themselves and rise up from the ashes, so to speak, as something different! It’s different for men, and I can’t decide if this is unfair on us, or unfair on them – maybe it’s a bit of both!
“Each family has to work out how best to survive a global crisis like this, and there are no easy answers.”
I have to say though, by the time my youngest started school, three years ago, I was SO ready for some time to prioritise myself more and focus on what I wanted to do. Then the pandemic happened, and I felt I was thrown right back into the same situation again, having to think about other people constantly, just as I’d got to the point of not having to do that any more! During the first lockdown, I was immensely frustrated, and tried to carry on doing ‘everything’. But with three children in the house being ‘educated’, it was absolutely impossible, and I actually felt myself getting quite mentally unwell with it all. By the time of the third lockdown in Jan 2021, I just decided, right, I’m not going to try and do it all any more, I’m just going to focus on the kids. And it was actually a lot easier and more enjoyable for all concerned. This has meant I’ve not done as much writing in the past year as I would have liked (apart from My Period!). But my partner and I kind of came to an agreement that he would keep his business going, and I would step back a bit. This decision was based on financial practicalities, really, rather than being particularly gender-based. I think for all families, this pandemic has been a nightmare in terms of jobs, earning, childcare, career etc, and yes, women have taken the bigger hit. Each family has to work out how best to survive a global crisis like this, and there are no easy answers.
Milli’s book ‘My Period’ is being released on the 21st June 2021. You can pre-order it from Amazon now and more of Milli’s work can be found on her website here.
Lauren McGaun
Featured image courtesy of Annika Gordon on Unsplash. Image license found here. No changes were made to this image.
Lauren McGaun
Lauren is a freelance journalist at BBC Politics. She helped set up EJ as Co-Founder and used to be Editor in Chief for over a year. Most evenings you will find her sipping Aperol Spritz whilst watching the news or a documentary.