TW- this article talks about mental health and gender inequality.
A recent survey of 153 teenage boys revealed that despite being viewed as the “superior” gender within society, 66.2% of boys don’t feel equal to girls, revealing the potential that as a whole, society has failed men.
“Girls get away with a lot more simply because they’re female”. “Society gives more weight to female social issues”.
But why is that?
Over the past decade, there has been a surge in mental health crises and subsequently, statistics. Whilst it is becoming more prevalent in both genders, it arguably goes unnoticed in men. As a result of mental health problems, in 2017, out of the 6000 recorded suicides in Great Britain, 75% were men.
The survey revealed that amongst all the boys surveyed, 64.6% felt that they couldn’t express emotions in front of others. “Men have this stigma of being tough mentally and physically” which is a distinct barrier put up by society, limiting masculine emotional expression.
The result of this societal expectation indicates why men feel that they cannot express emotion for fear of looking “weak” and “vulnerable“.
These statements reveal two of the main reasons boys choose not to communicate emotionally: they have been conditioned through societal expectations to “not have problems” and if they do, to ignore them and “man up“.
Many revealed that whilst girls, the patriarchy, and pressure increases their reluctance to openly admit worry or upset, “man up” is the main reason they choose not to do so.
To many it symbolised being “weak” or “undesirable”, of being “cold” or “unemotional”. It is also one of the reasons whilst despite being perceived to “have it easier” than girls, many of the boys surveyed revealed that they do not enjoy being a boy in the twenty-first century.
“Boys can’t cry”
“Boys can’t cry” was another statement that was used when describing emotional ignorance from boys as a result of stigma. The treatment society provides to boys in regards to crying is often belittling, however, it also could arguably be a result of home life and their fatherly role model.
One boy recounted how his dad used to “dismiss” his emotions so he consciously decided to not express them. If a boy is socialised into a family of perceived “tough, strong men”, it is likely that they will try to replicate that because they don’t want to be the “odd one out”.
Yet it is also valuable in noting that not everyone has a fatherly figure and for boys, lacking such a significant role model may further damage the way in which they view themselves and express their emotions. It may mean that they don’t know how to respond to certain incidents which could have a negative impact on their mental health.
“Inequality between boys and girls within institutions today also reflects the patriarchal nature of society”
The survey also had a mixed view on whether or not boys feel comfortable emotionally communicating with girls. Whilst some expressed that they would “feel comfortable to cry in front of a girl” because they have the acceptance to be emotionally expressive, many argued girls are one of the factors that contribute to their reluctance to express emotion.
They argued girls will “ridicule” them or make the situation “about themselves”, indicating that girls are not accustomed to treating boys the way they themselves are treated if they are emotional or in need of help.
Inequality between boys and girls within institutions today also reflects the patriarchal nature of society and is a contributing factor towards the way boys view themselves and how they go about handling any existing emotional issues.
The society we live in today forces the idea that girls are fragile and in need of more care and attention, whereas boys are tougher and can handle being treated will little to no empathy.
Within the survey, it was revealed that the most common feeling amongst boys was the idea that they couldn’t express their emotions as a result of being “embarrassed by society”. It is therefore crucial to recognise the impact school has on boys and their reluctance to seek help and as one boy put it, “girls are treated more delicately at school”.
“Whilst society has positively progressed for girls in numerous ways, it has evidently deteriorated for boys”
Within the classroom, girls appear to be shouted at less for being disruptive in comparison to boys, with one argument claiming “if a girl talks she gets politely told to quiet down but if I talk it is anything but polite”.
To further this, at school, boys tend to socialise with a large group of boys, all of whom tend to portray themselves as masculine and strong. However, this is often just a front, the impact of which suggests another reason why they are more reluctant to ask for help – they don’t want to appear weak in front of their peers.
The survey also asked about the impact girls have on boys and whether or not they feel pressurised by them.
Around 83% of those surveyed revealed that they feel pressured by girls to look a certain way, for example, to be “tall and muscly” because girls “have a type”.
The expectations girls have on boys to look a certain way also increases the pressure boys place on themselves. Because girls make the “type” so apparent, it can often be used as a verbal weapon to dismiss boys and encourage boys to feel as though they have to be placed in a certain category.
“Through their treatment they act tougher, ultimately leaving them in a vulnerable position when opening up about mental health”
To further this idea of having a type, many also argued that girls judge them based off of the clothes they wear.
If a boy isn’t in the financial position to purchase “designer outfits” they are likely to be at a higher risk of being ridiculed which is more likely to have a long-lasting impact on their mental health.
Whilst society has positively progressed for girls in numerous ways, it has evidently deteriorated for boys. They are at an increased risk of suicide and mental health problems as a result of our dismissal as a whole and is an issue that must be addressed. The societal stigma that boys are faced with everyday is an issue that needs more public attention before it is too late.
Overall, this indicates the impact the patriarchy within institutions has on boys’ mental health – through their treatment they act tougher, ultimately leaving them in a vulnerable position when opening up about mental health.
Brooke Heneghan
Featured image courtesy of Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash. Image license can be found here. No changes were made to this image.
Class article
Very thoughtful piece.
Very well written and thought provoking