TW: This article discusses an autobiography that contains themes of sexual assault, domestic abuse and illicit drug use. 

 Eleanor Bowskill

How Much for a Happy Ending? is an honest and heartfelt memoir by S. E. Winters which deals with brutally raw and candid themes with enviable fortitude and wicked humour.

From the opening pages, Sinead immerses the reader in a Northern council estate from Thatcher’s Britain. Her imagery is stark and vivid, depicting everything from Tesco Value burgers and oven chips to cobweb-laden Christmas trees and Karma Sutra posters.

At the centre of the home were an edgy, femme punk mother and an Ozzy Ozborne-lookalike father, who played in a rock band alongside his day job as a mattress salesman. Later in the book, it becomes clear that their parenting styles would quickly alternate between aggression and compassion – a pattern that would have a profound effect on Sinead’s future relationships with men.

From the age of 15, Sinead was forced to take on the role of mediator when her parents clashed over personal, and often sexual, issues. The most notable of these disputes revolved around a dildo hidden in a drawer under the bed. It concluded with the teenage girl demonstrating her knowledge of female pleasure in a way that was both mature and disturbing. Whilst this off-colour anecdote featured in the early chapters, it set the pace for what would be a frank portrayal of sexual corruption.

A String of Troubling Partners

On the cusp of adulthood, Sinead starts dating Edward, a chubby, arrogant, black-haired boy. Although Edward was a good student with an even better sense of humour, it was joining a band that made him catch her eye. His middle-class upbringing was in stark contrast to her own, and Edward’s overbearing mother made her disapproval known to them both. The pair spent their days getting drunk on cheap cider and getting up to no good.

“In moments like these, I found myself glued to the pages, watching her adolescence unfold with intrigue and concern.”

The following year, the couple moved into a student house in the neighbouring town. Away from his mother, Edward’s insecurities began to shine through and he soon excelled in verbal abuse. Here, Sinead paints a heart-breaking picture of isolation and loneliness as her self-esteem gradually dwindled under his control.

After moving back in with their parents, Sinead and Edward broke up after two and a half years together. To distract herself from the split, Sinead soon turned to experimental drugs and alcohol-fuelled rave nights. In moments like these, I found myself glued to the pages, watching her adolescence unfold with intrigue and concern.

Glamour Model Mother

When she was still a regular in the club scene, Sinead met her soon-to-be husband, a mysterious, pale man dressed in trendy sportswear and branded trainers. Tim was a sweetheart, a seemingly perfect boyfriend who wore his heart on his sleeve. His charming exterior was the perfect disguise, and when Sinead was warned about his past behaviour at the start of their relationship, she was quick to dismiss these claims as bitter resentment.

She shifts tenses smoothly, showing the reader where each mistake was made and how her circumstances dictated these choices. Sinead considers pivotal moments in her life, examining how both the positive and negative effects of her experiences have influenced who she is as a person and as a therapist.

“Then the problem became her clothes, even smaller details like the pattern or material.”

Moving in with Tim after just six months had its perks. Namely, the freedom to choose the brand and pattern of toilet paper, which there was now an abundance of.

The problem was her friends from the club, who he acted confrontational towards. Then the problem became her clothes, even smaller details like the pattern or material.

Soon after their first physical altercation, Sinead discovered she was pregnant. Under the guise of protecting the unborn child, she was forced to leave her job, prevented from cooking or cleaning and confined to watching television and reading magazines. In a single, painful line, Sinead writes: “I mistook his possessive behaviour for love.”

Dominatrix to Sex Therapist

“From photoshoots to TV cameos, to more personal appointments, she manages to err on the side of appropriate behaviour throughout.”

Following the arrival of her son, Morgan, Sinead finds the confidence to dip her toe into the world of glamour modelling. Her conversational writing style lends itself to an open discussion about the pressures women are put under to show more skin or offer more than just pictures. Yet again, Sinead finds herself in new and unfamiliar situations and must decide how best to contend with the dilemmas she faces. From photoshoots to TV cameos, to more personal appointments, she manages to err on the side of appropriate behaviour throughout.

Tearful and upsetting moments can be more difficult to stomach but the tone is kept light-hearted and matter-of-fact and the knowledge that she somehow made it through does provide a source of comfort. However, this book is not for the squeamish reader, scenes of a more sexual nature are discussed in a frank and explicit manner. Sinead does well to avoid glorifying our desires.

 

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Featured image courtesy of Dainis Graveris on Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image license found here.

Eleanor is a publishing hopeful and Philosophy graduate based in York. Outside of her work for Empoword, she writes for The Publishing Post, volunteers at her local library and is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Missive Mag, an epistle-themed literary magazine.

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