Georgia Clarke
TW: Mental health, suicide
Annaliese Ellison is a young carer and has been caring for her mother with mental health issues since she was around 10 or 11. This is also when she began to fully understand her mother’s condition. Now she tells Georgia Clarke about the personal toll of being a young carer.
Annaliese’s mother suffers from many mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety and depression. She has suffered from these illnesses from around the age of 17 and has been trying to get treatment to help. These include counselling, cognitive therapy and medication.
Annaliese said being a young carer affected her time at school, both physically and mentally. “While at school, it was very easy for me to drift off because of being worried about my mum, this was mainly because I did not know what was happening, due to my age”.
“However, I would also seem to worry when she was doing well as it was always on my mind that she might relapse”.
Annaliese found that this led her to having great difficulty focusing in school and would also struggle with her behaviour, often lashing out as she felt others just did not understand how she was feeling.
The Importance of Family Support
“My grandma was always there for me and my mum.”
Annaliese Ellison
She was very grateful growing up to have her grandma around not only for her but for her mum also. Her grandma ensured no matter what she never missed school.
Annaliese told us; “It was very rare that I missed school because my grandma was always there for me and my mum and she was more than often her primary carer. This was a huge help for us both, but she too had to work, this is why I really started caring for my mum myself.”
Her grandma later moved in with Annaliese and her mother for a while so that she could go to school, and when she would return home her grandma would have to work a night shift.
But she was not left on her own, Annaliese’s grandma’s partner who was around, “He would often take my mum for a drive and some fresh air in a nice area. So, having him there was great for my mum to get out in a place where she didn’t know many people.”
Her mother’s recovery after the hospital was always hard, “Firstly, she was never 100% when she was discharged, which meant we still needed to give her a huge amount of support.”
Her mother would always be on a large amount of medication during these times for her anxiety and depression, which had to be strictly monitored.
“When she would start to feel better her social worker would still visit and take her out on day trips, starting with going to the supermarket or out for a coffee just to get her confidence back up”
The same social worker would also provide care and support for Annaliese, by providing groups for her to attend as a young carer, where she met people in a similar situation to herself.
“I used to call it my ‘space’ as I didn’t need to cover anything up.” said Annaliese
“At first the groups made me feel a bit uneasy as I wasn’t sure what to expect, but once I was comfortable it helped me so much and made me feel so much better that I wasn’t the only one going through this.”
The Personal Toll
“I would constantly worry over my mum.”
Annaliese Ellison
Throughout her life, she never thought it affected herself mentally, despite everyone telling her it was a lot to deal with at quite a young age, “As I got older it really started to take its toll about why she suffered from PTSD and what suicidal thoughts meant.
“I later did have to seek help from the doctors and was diagnosed with anxiety, I guess that factored towards the fact I would constantly worry over my mum.”
The largest impact on her mental health was not dealing with her mother’s needs but instead the negativity that was placed on her by her father.
Her father never approved of her living with her grandma: “when my mum was in hospital my dad did not agree with me living with my grandma, even more so he tried to gain full custody of me, forcing me to live at his house.
“This really made me depressed, being somewhere I didn’t want to be and missing my grandma. From what I remember this was my first memory of feeling very anxious on a daily basis”.
She added that she and her dad lost contact for a while after the custody incident because he turned rather aggressive towards her family. But after many years they reconnected with each other and recently, after a health scare, they have grown closer than ever before and the family have been reunited.
Seeking support
Annaliese wanted to end with a small bit of advice for anyone reading this going through the same thing as she did growing up. She says “for other people experiencing this, I would recommend asking a social worker or a professional for advice on how to talk to other young carers as this was a great help for me.
“I would also recommend taking time for yourself every now and then if possible as this will make sure you are doing the best for your own mental health also”.
Inset image courtesy of Annaliese Ellison. No changes were made to this image.
Featured image courtesy of Caludio Schwarz via Unsplash. Image license available here.
