Anyone who headed into Lockdown in March – the pandemic still new and unnerving – in a relationship, will know that some tricky conversations and decisions were had and made. With many couples taking the plunge to move in together, to stay with their family or to up sticks across town to be together, there were a lot of other couples accepting that they were going to have to leave their significant other for perhaps a month, maybe six weeks or maybe even longer.
“Netflix Party was a 2020 game changer, let’s be honest … the perfect way to feel like you are together.”
We heard plenty of stories of Tinder couples U-Hauling after three dates so they couldn’t be apart, but for many of us in more established relationships, we had to take some time away from the other. Despite the old adage, “distance makes the heart grow fonder”, many of us felt an awful lot like distance could actually be a real test, maybe even a swan song for relationships. And if you aren’t used to doing distance, it really can be.
I went into lockdown having only been with my partner for two and a half months, and we spent two months straight apart. So, with what is to come over the holiday season and beyond up in the air – or maybe you are nervous about graduating in a relationship – I thought I would share a few of the ways we have spent time together and kept the love alive during this awful year.
Two devices a distanced movie night can make
Netflix Party was a 2020 game changer, let’s be honest, and my partner and I found the combination of that and facetime/zoom on another device, the perfect way to feel like you are together. Being able to look over and laugh with your partner at a funny scene or seeing them get choked up by the boy losing the girl really makes the distance seem shorter and you have something to chat about later.
Schedule in a date night where you answer 36 Questions
Arguments in long distance relationships are often rooted in not having enough to say to each other due to over-communication, or from not knowing what to say other than “I miss you!”. I totally understand that. Something I have found to be a really nice talking point and way of learning about your partner is the 36 Questions to Fall In Love, which you may have seen in The New York Times. Sit down on a video call with a warm drink or maybe a glass of wine, and answer these questions with your partner. You could do it all at once or over a couple of days, but take this time to chat and learn about them and what they need from you. It can be emotional, hilarious and uncomfortable in equal measures, but excellent for creating intimacy at a distance.
Notes and little gifts may be your love language
This one is totally financially dependent of course, but it doesn’t have to be expensive. Small tokens of affection like letters and postcards, flowers or knick knacks can be a really effective way of expressing your gratitude, love and emotion to a partner with something physical they can hold that reminds them of you. To make a letter even better, pop some perfume on the paper that will remind them of you, if they are missing your smell.
Read to each other, it’s more romantic than it sounds
Reading can be a really peaceful and calming experience, so if you and your significant other normally call before bed, why not take an evening to pick a book you both have and read to one another. This was lovely to do, despite the fact my partner fell asleep five pages in without me realising (I read three chapters before I noticed). You can do it over a few nights and enjoy the story together.
Leave notes to be found when you can’t be there
“I know we don’t want this long distance life forever, but let’s show a little love in a lot of ways.”
If you are able to spend a weekend or even a day close to your partner before you have to part ways again, write as many little notes as you can and hide them around the room. In a record player, under a pillow, on top of some shelves, these will be found gradually over time and will be a surprise, and a sudden reminder of how much you love each other. Poetry is a great way to do this, and if you aren’t a poet, try using URL links that they can put into their browser and find links to songs/poems that remind you of them.
I know how intimidating it can be to go into a long distance relationship unexpectedly, and it can feel like a death sentence for a couple, and sometimes it does show the cracks in a partnership. But, it doesn’t have to end things, and it doesn’t have to feel impossible. There are lots of little, sensitive and vulnerable things you can do to keep that spark there. I know we don’t want this long distance life forever, but let’s show a little love in a lot of ways.
Imogen Brighty-Potts
Featured image courtesy of Shiyang Huang on Flickr. Image license found here. No changes were made to this image.
imogenbrightypotts
Recent Uni of Southampton Philosophy and Politics grad. Founder of The Hysteria Collective. Gilmore Girls fan. Coffee addict.