Couple in bed

Amelia Hopkinson

I remember being terrified when I heard the phrase “popping your cherry”. I want to break down what it actually means and explain why this metaphorical cherry popping is not as scary as it sounds!

Before we get started, I feel it’s important to mention that the definition of sex is fluid. Sex isn’t limited to its heteronormative, penile-vaginal definition, and it’s entirely up to you what you consider sex. Anything is valid here at Let Me Sexplain! To explain the “cherry popping” concept, however, this post will focus on penetrative vaginal sex.

Breaking down the terminology

So, what actually is the cherry? And how are you supposed to pop it?

Your “cherry” is your hymen. A hymen is a piece of tissue situated towards the opening of the vagina. It’s a thin and ring-like membrane with a hole in it. The “popping” part of the phrase refers to the tendency for the hymen to stretch and cause bleeding when someone has sex for the first time. 

“some people will not bleed at all, which is also completely normal.”

What you are not told about “cherry popping” is that many people break their hymen through casual childhood activities. The majority of the time, it has nothing to do with sex! Riding a bike or a horse are two common ways for a hymen to be stretched, and these should not result in any bleeding. Sometimes, a hymen may need to be stretched open by a physician if it is very thick, but this procedure is rare. 

When somebody with a vagina has penetrative sex for the first time, their hymen may be “popped” – this just means their hymen tears. This can sometimes cause bleeding, which is entirely normal. Equally, some people will not bleed at all, which is also completely normal. Due to bleeding being associated with pain, the idea that sex is painful has become widespread.

However, with many vulva owners not having an intact hymen when they have penetrative sex for the first time, this concept is no longer accurate. Your hymen breaking shouldn’t feel excruciatingly painful. Instead, it should feel more like a ripping or tearing sensation, and the discomfort should resolve quickly. 

Causes of painful sex

“The most common cause of pain during sex is insufficient vaginal lubrication.”

For some people, penetrative sex can hurt, though. The most common cause of pain during sex is insufficient vaginal lubrication. This can make penetrative sex painful as the friction created by the movement of the penis causes irritation to the vagina. Fortunately, this issue can be quickly remedied with the introduction of lube into your sex routine, which will provide additional lubrication and reduce friction as the penis enters the vagina.

Another sneaky culprit behind painful sex is the vast array of hygiene products that contain ingredients which aren’t always compatible with the more intimate parts of our bodies. For example, some condoms contain spermicides which can act as an irritant, as well as latex, a material that people are often sensitive to. 

Vaginismus

Vaginismus is another cause of painful sex for some people. Vaginismus is both a physical and mental reaction to penetrative sex. It’s a pelvic floor disorder where your vaginal muscles involuntarily tighten up whenever penetration is attempted. This disorder makes penetration of the vagina almost impossible and can occur even if penetrative sex has been enjoyed by the individual previously.

Vaginismus is sometimes linked with anxiety, growing up with strict religious or cultural teachings, or survivors of sexual trauma. YouTuber Hannah Witton has a video about the condition, which you can watch here.

Can you avoid a painful first time?

You may be asking yourself how you can try and avoid a painful first time. Surely there must be some way to feel prepared? Unfortunately, there are no guidelines to ensure your first time is entirely pain-free. The good news, though, is that there are lots of things you can try to make the experience as comfortable and pain-free as possible!

“Open and honest communication is essential for enjoyable sex.”

Let Me Sexplain’s top tips

My first tip is to become familiar with your anatomy. Solo masturbation can be a great way to identify the different parts of your body and explore what feels good. You can then share this with a partner so they know what you’re into and what you like.

Additionally, talking to your partner about your worries can help reduce anxiety surrounding sex. Open and honest communication is essential for enjoyable sex. Of course, conversations can feel awkward at first, but they will be worth it once you and your partner experience safe, pleasurable sex together.

My next tip is to set realistic expectations on performance and orgasm. Give yourselves the flexibility to switch things up if something is not working for you. You and your partner will probably not experience mind-blowing orgasms every time you have penetrative sex, and that’s ok! The more pressure you put on yourself, or the other person, the less likely you are to enjoy the experience. Take it slow and spend time on foreplay; it is ok to ease yourself into penetrative sex. Finally, use lube! Lots of lube! Lube is your best friend!

Ultimately, sex is supposed to be fun! If you are experiencing pain or discomfort and nothing is helping to rectify it, please seek advice from a medical professional. 

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Featured image courtesy of Womanizer via Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image license found here. 

Amelia is a Lifestyle editor and a columnist at Empoword, with a passion for feature writing and social media. Some topics that she loves speaking about are mental health awareness, sex education and LGBTQ+ rights.

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