Achieving Congruence Between Your Self-Concept and Ideal Self

Beth Rush

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Psychologists believe a large gap between your self-concept and ideal self can damage your self-perception, and even result in mental health problems.

What do you see when you think of your best, most ideal self? Many people struggle with the disconnect between who they really are and who they want to be.

If you’re experiencing the same, you can take steps to find your way towards your ideal self. Once you do, your self-concept will align with reality.

What is Self-Concept? 

Self-concept is your overall knowledge of yourself. It is how you view your behaviours, personality, roles, interests, skills, passions, and purpose in life.

People develop their self-concept during childhood and adolescence, but it can change as people grow. It is ever-changing and can be moulded in different situations. 

Self-concept can be influence by both internal and external factors. You might have grown up being told you are good at dancing. You see yourself in the mirror and believe you are a good dancer. Winning competitions can solidify dancing as part of your self-concept, but an injury can change that instantly. 

What Is Congruence in Self-Concept?

Carl Rogers, a humanist psychologist, suggested that self-concept consists of three parts:

• Self-image: Self-image is how you see yourself at the moment. It includes your physical appearance, role in life, personality, etc.
• Ideal self: The ideal self is your idea of your peak self. It is what you see as the ideal version of yourself that you want to reach.
• Self-esteem: Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. It is the value you place on yourself. If your self-image and ideal self don’t align, it can negatively affect your self-esteem.

Congruence is when your self-concept aligns with your reality. You have reached congruence if your current self is the same as your ideal self.

How to Achieve Congruence Between Your Self-Concept and Ideal Self

If you can’t reach your ideal self, you feel dissatisfied with yourself and your situation. You can create a negative self-concept of not being good enough to reach your goals. Here are some ways you can reach congruence between your self-concept and your ideal self:

1. Define Your Ideal Self

Think of what you want to achieve in life. Some people think of careers when defining their ideal self. Some want to be doctors, lawyers, or business owners. Others think of things beyond careers, such as finding a soulmate or having children. 

When defining your ideal self, be specific and realistic. Set a clearly defined goal that you can achieve. 

2. Be Honest With Yourself

Now, think about how you view yourself. Who are you at this point in your life? What are your passions? Think about your relationships and your role in other peoples’ lives.

Then, consider what prevents you from achieving congruence. What are the habits and beliefs that hold you back? What factors are out of your control? 

3. Change Your Habits

Once you’ve pinpointed the habits holding you back, it’s time to change them! Without direct and consistent action, you’ll stay frustrated and dissatisfied with yourself. Change your habits one by one. 

For example, if your tendency to stay up late at night keeps you from your goal, start by setting a strict sleep schedule. Use techniques to help you fall asleep, such as removing distractions.

4. Be Persistent in Your Pursuit

Trying to achieve congruence isn’t easy. When you face setbacks, don’t give up. If you feel discouraged or overwhelmed, take some time to gather yourself. Brush yourself off and try again. Your persistence will help lead you to your best self.

5. Shift Your Mindset

If your real self is incongruent with your ideal self, you can be prone to negative thoughts. For example, if your goal is to be a manager but you haven’t been promoted yet. Your self-esteem can take a hit and make you think you’re not good enough at your job. 

To reach your ideal self, you need to shift to a self-affirming mindset. Think of your good qualities which made you believe you can be a manager. Then, create an affirming statement: “I am capable and a natural leader, so I can be a manager.” Now, you have shifted to a more positive attitude focusing on your strengths.

Your thoughts can have a significant impact on your well-being. Some believe in the power of positive affirmations. Some also believe using the mind for healing can be as effective as psychotropic medication.

6. Practice Self-love and Compassion

Congruence can’t be achieved overnight. Be kind to yourself. Thank yourself for all you’ve done, and give praise for all you have accomplished. If you have not yet reached congruence, tell yourself it’s okay. You’ll get there soon.

Start by affirming your own strengths and good qualities. What are you good at? What makes people love you? Repeat the answers to yourself. Resist the urge to talk down to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You’re not worth less because of yours.

Self-love helps you withstand setbacks and persist towards your goal.

7. Do Some Reflection

You need to reflect along your journey to congruence, especially when there’s a significant development.

Think about how far you’ve come. What things did you change to help you advance toward your ideal self? What lessons did you learn? You can keep a reflective journal to help you keep track of your thoughts.

8. Seek Help When Needed

The most important part of any journey is seeking support. When you embark on something challenging, you encounter troubles which are better faced with loved ones. Don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable with them. When you feel like you are drowning, reach for their support to get you ashore.

If you feel like your troubles are deeper and need more help, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Become Your Best Self

Achieving congruence in your self-concept is something many people aspire to. People want to change and become their ideal selves, but doing so can be challenging. When you embark on your journey, remember to be kind to yourself and seek support when needed.

Your continued efforts will bear fruit — believe it and see.

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Featured image courtesy of NIKITA SHIROKOV on Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.