Victoria Jefferies
The cold weather is setting in, endless romantic comedies can be found on Netflix…it can only mean one thing; cuffing season is upon us.
For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “cuffing season” is used to describe a period of time starting around the beginning of winter, when people are more inclined to seek committed relationships in order to avoid being alone during the festive season. The compulsion to seek a relationship happens even amongst those who are usually happy being alone, or more contented with dating a multitude of partners. Whilst there is nothing wrong in the desire to have a relationship, there are usually many casualties of cuffing, as when the winter season is over and spring has sprung, those who initiated the “cuffing” usually want to be on their own once more.
But what are the reasons behind this trend, and what compels otherwise happily contented single people to seek a relationship in the winter period? As a therapist who regularly works with relationship issues, I have taken a look at some possible reasons that may lay behind this trend.
A Christmas coping strategy
Relationships can prove a very helpful distraction, not only from daily life, but also events that can be distressing. Christmas is usually a time spent with family, which can prove triggering and stressful for some. A relationship can serve to shield you from the stressors that a family event such as Christmas may trigger, providing a way out or at the very least, a distraction. Even if you are not with your partner physically, the ability to text, phone, or video call a significant other can be a welcome relief from family dynamics or things that we actually find distressing.
Biology
There could be biological reasons behind the desire to “cuff”. Winter actually effects our serotonin levels, serotonin being the chemical that influences our mood. A 2002 study found that turnover of serotonin by the brain was lowest in winter, essentially meaning that people are most likely to feel lower around this time. This could suggest that, when feeling down, the comfort and familiarity a relationship brings could provide a much needed boost in serotonin.
Being alone
A single friend of mine recounted how, whilst visiting her family one Christmas, she was made to pair up with the family dog when needing a partner for a party game. Whilst we laughed about this, my friend’s story highlights the pressure to avoid such awkward and possibly embarrassing situations that being single at Christmas can bring.
Pressure
Social media is awash with a presentation of what the ideal Christmas should look like. TikTok videos of happy couples putting up their Christmas tree, as well as endless photos of happy families huddled around a tasty looking Christmas meal all send messages that we shouldn’t be alone. This can make us feel very alien if we are in fact, alone.
How to prevent becoming a cuffing casualty
Keep your boundaries
If you feel the relationship is moving at a fast pace and you don’t feel comfortable with this, then speak out. If they are the right person for you they should understand. Don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do.
Give yourself space from the relationship
If you feel you are being loved bombed by your new partner and you suspect this may be down to cuffing season, give yourself some space from the relationship to clear your head. Spend time with friends and family and don’t disregard your hobbies and Interests. Don’t lose sight of yourself.
Check in with yourself
In the whist of a whirlwind romance it is easy to lose yourself. It may be a good idea to check in with yourself and ask yourself how you are really feeling about the relationship. Is this partnership meeting your needs? Do you feel valued and respected? If the answer to these questions are no, you may want to revaluate if this relationship will be serving you well beyond cuffing season.
Featured image courtesy of Toa Heftiba via Unsplash. Image license found here. No changes were made to the image.
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