Overthinking: The Never-Ending Thoughts

Robyn Lawerence

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Overthinking. A word associated with untimely dread. A process which consumes us and takes up unwanted room in our minds. Yet, for a lot of us, it’s become part of our routine. It’s become too normal, too comfortable, to switch back to a mindset which isn’t full of ‘what ifs’ and ‘should haves’.

It’s true what they say: we can be our own worst enemies.

What is overthinking?

Overthinking involves extensive worrying about the past, present, and future. It often feels like no matter what you do, you will never be good enough.

Many different things cause stress. Often, we feel we are stressing about things other people won’t think twice about. When we get stressed, we get overwhelmed, and when we get overwhelmed, we overthink. One in five people in the UK feel stressed more days per month than not.

“we justify our minds playing a thought on repeat like a broken record”

But why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? What is it that makes us question every speckle, every ounce of our lives, and pull apart all the things we have done ‘wrong’?

Worrying and overthinking, from time to time, is normal. Every day we deal with countless thoughts. But the coping mechanisms we pick up along the way help us deal with the triggers that cause overthinking. When we justify our minds playing a thought on repeat like a broken record, it can lead to low confidence and low self-esteem.

Although overthinking isn’t a mental illness, it can be a symptom of one. Somebody with a physical illness can also suffer from overthinking.

It’s important to learn why you are overthinking, as well as how to stop this destructive thought process.

Perfectionism

We are aware of the unreachable standards society sets. From how we should act, to the relationships we build, from our body shape, to how we should dress. These high standards are overwhelming to think about. Our unhealthy habit of setting unattainable standards frequently results in perfectionism.

But when you don’t reach these standards, perfectionism can become a problem. No matter how many times you redo your homework, restyle your hair, or increase your work hours, you will never be perfect. Why? Because perfect doesn’t exist.

Now, we hear all the time: perfection doesn’t exist.

“the minute we let go of this idea of being ‘perfect’ is the minute we unlock the cage”

But do we internalise this idea and apply it to ourselves? While many of us give this advice to our loved ones, we neglect ourselves in the process. The desire to be perfect, in whatever way, has led to many of us overthinking every aspect of our lives.

When the concept of being the best has been planted in our minds, it’s hard to think you can be anything other than perfect. But the minute we let go of this idea of being ‘perfect’ is the minute we unlock the cage keeping our mental freedom at bay.

It’s time to give yourself a break. You need to accept being yourself and doing your best is all you can offer. True perfection is accepting ourselves for who we are: mind, body, and soul.

The fear of the unknown

You are not alone in wanting to know how things will work out in the future. Will I still have this job? Will this first date go ok? How should I plan out this conversation? As hard as we try, we will never be fortune tellers. Unpredictability is scary, but unavoidable.

When I entered my first year of university, my mind was a box, filled to the brim with thoughts about how this year will turn out. Will I make friends? What if they don’t like me? Have I picked the right degree? These thoughts are totally normal when you enter a new period in your life. Having a fresh start can be exciting, but overwhelming for overthinkers.

“Stepping outside of your comfort zone is terrifying – but necessary.”

During my first year at university, I learned how important it is to put myself out there. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is terrifying – but necessary. This is how growth happens.

Now, I know you can’t please everyone, do everything right, and there is no way of knowing what will happen in the future. We waste so much energy worrying about what might be, we don’t appreciate our current surroundings. We should always celebrate our small victories.

Catch yourself in the act

Many of the triggers for overthinking can be devalued by those who don’t understand. It’s important to recognise your feelings are valid.

It can become a bad habit to let your mind run wild. Realising you are overthinking can be a step towards stopping yourself from doing so. It is a small way of taking back control and telling yourself to stop.

Everybody develops different ways to cope with the stress and worry they might be feeling.

Truthfully, it’s not always that easy

You are not alone in your ruminating. I’ll admit I’m a perfectionist, I find the future intimidating, and I don’t always tell myself to stop. Being naturally quiet and shy means overthinking is familiar to me.

“it takes time”

Life is unpredictable, but no amount of overthinking will fix that. It’s important to recognise it takes time to develop healthy coping mechanisms. During the process, there will be good and bad days. But learning to manage your thoughts can take time. Only when we relieve ourselves of the pressure weighing us down can we learn to truly believe in ourselves.

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• WHY ARE WOMEN MORE LIKELY TO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION?

• ANOREXIA AND ME: IT’S TIME TO TELL THE TRUTH

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Featured image courtesy of chalis007 on Unsplash. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.