As an introvert with OCD, you might think that lockdown is something of a best case scenario for me. I’ve even joked with friends that when it comes to washing my hands more regularly or ensuring that I ‘Stay Alert‘, I was born for this role. With my compulsive hand-washing and anxiety causing me to second-guess my every move, you could say that I’ve had life-long training for a situation like this. Maybe now, all of my unnecessary caution or second-guessing might have some meaning to it.
The reality, however, is a lot more complex.
“for someone with OCD it can be absolutely hellish.”
Having all this time for yourself is great if you want to do some crafting, or learn a language, but for someone with OCD it can be absolutely hellish. Time to ourselves means time alone with our thoughts, and if I have no means of distracting them, it is easy to start drowning.
Hyperproductivity is unhealthy but – for me – a very effective coping mechanism. If I’m running a student paper, going to lectures, working part-time, volunteering or even doing a weekly shop in Sainsbury’s, I am able to push everything that is going on in my head to the very bottom.
“Without that productivity, I’ll admit that I feel a little lost.”
No, it doesn’t solve the problem, but it does bury it. Whilst I realise this isn’t the best way of dealing with issues, it is the best one available to me when mental health support for young people is riddled with waiting lists, expenses and a one-size-fits all approach.
Without that productivity, I’ll admit that I feel a little lost. It is easier to get consumed by anxiety. Sure, it’s not like I haven’t got a dissertation to write, and there are plenty of hobbies that I could pick up during this time, but sometimes I feel like what’s going on in the outside world mirrors what’s going on inside my head.
In the same way that I can’t leave my home, go to the library, a coffee shop, or have a bit of a change of scenery, it feels like I am unable to escape the confines of my brain telling me that everything is a catastrophe, and that if I don’t do XYZ, everything will go to shit. It’s easy to feel suffocated.
The reason I’m talking about this isn’t to get sympathy, attention, or to have someone rrespond to my ‘cry for help’. It’s not easy, but I’m getting by. However, with lockdown predicted to cause a mental health crisis amongst neurotypical young people, we can only imagine the grave impact it can have on people with pre-existing mental health conditions.
So, if you know somebody in lockdown with pre-existing mental health issues, check up on them.
Trust me, they’ll appreciate it.
Charlotte Colombo
Featured image courtesy of Tonik on Unsplash . This image has in no way been altered. Image license is available here.
