The ‘rough sex defence’ is a phenomena that has been increasing rapidly across the UK in recent years. The rise of extreme pornography should be seen as partially responsible.
When this defence is used, it is argued that the victim had consented to her own death as she supposedly ‘consented to rough sex’, leading the murderers to receive sentences as light as three years. This was the case in Grace Milane’s murder. Her killer strangled her for 10 minutes. That is not ‘rough sex’, its violence. The responsibility was shifted from the perpetrator to the victim, forcing her family to hear lurid details of their daughter’s sex life, true or not.
Hardcore porn makes it seem that these kinds of acts are acceptable or normal. As porn becomes more accesible, it has become more extreme, presenting abusive sex as normal and healthy. Erika Lust, one of the only female porn directors, admits choking is now commonplace in all kinds of porn and “not within a BDSM context”.
“Many people’s first exposure to sex is through hardcore porn, which means they are likely to normalise what they see.”
The issue comes in that, if sex education is not good enough, young people will go to the internet for answers. Many people’s first exposure to sex is through hardcore porn, which means they are likely to normalise what they see. Lust argues this leads to young people thinking “that men should be rough and demanding, and that degradation is standard.” Clearly, there needs to be a cultural shift: porn is not a normal representation of sex and should never be seen this way.
With young men and women seeing constant images of women repeatedly being called “slut”, “bitch” and “whore” during sex, it is unsuprising this is what many grow up to replicate. What is often seen as acceptable and even normal in porn would in any other context be brutal and abhorrent. The rough sex defence only serves as further evidence of the link between consumption of extreme pornography and acts of sexual violence, rape and murder. In our image-saturated culture it is highly unconvincing to say that pornography is simply fantasy and has no bearing on current sexual norms, with these often being degrading and dangerous.
“Clearly, there needs to be a cultural shift: porn is not a normal representation of sex and should never be seen this way.”
Most importantly, a change in the law is needed. This should be based on the fundamental principle that you cannot consent to your own death, as argued by Brian Dickey, the crown prosecutor in the Milane case. Unlike consent being a central feature of rape cases, consent is no defence to injury and certainly not death. This principle is based on the 1993 case of R v Brown, in which a group of men were convicted of assault despite their victims consenting to violence in a sadomasochistic setting.
There needs to be a change in both culture and law to fight back against this dangerous phenomena. Not only does it allow men to commit heinous acts and get off ‘scot free’, it denies women of their dignity and forces their families to suffer two losses. Going forward, a change in the law seems likely and should be widely encouraged. Individually, we must attempt to shift the perception of pornography as being representative of normal sex and prevent this defence from growing anymore.
Hannah Feeney
Featured image courtesy of Maru Lombardo on Unsplash. This image has in no way been altered. Image license is available here.
When you consider that in the developed world the majority of young adults comsume pornography and also consider that developing countries consume considerably less pornography and that sexual violence is considerably more common you come to see that pornography is only a small piece in the puzzle.
Yes the abundance of pornography available to us isn’t something our brain is necessarily adapted for, but a well rounded and responsible person is able to separate it from reality and it can even be used as a means of releasing sexual aggression.
I understand this article is focused on the prevalence of rough sex but it misses the mark by using a simplistic correlation between something that is relatively still very rare (Death via consensual rough sex) and pornography, the later being something that is incredibly common throughout our society. I’d propose the real problem is that sex and pornography is still woefully underrepresented in our education system and within conversion throughout our society. Data from around the world shows overwhelming that sex education and education in general results in lower levels of sexual violence towards women.
Although it seems counter intuitive, demonising pornography will probably only further exacerbate the problem. Pornography isn’t going anywhere and no government action will ever be able to eradicate it from society. Instead of focusing our efforts on the futile task of restricting pornography and its consumption we should instead be pushing towards acceptance and making this ever increasingly popular phenomenon a socially acceptable topic. Japan has shown just how far things can go if sex and pornography remain separated from mainstream conversations and education.
Just my point of view so please feel free to disagree and break down my argument. Differing opinions should be celebrated as a victory for freedom of speech and unfortunately our society is shifting towards a state of toxic tribalism that restricts conversation between differing opinions.
Yes the abundance of pornography available to us isn’t something our brain is necessarily adapted for, but a well rounded and responsible person is able to separate it from reality and it can even be used as a means of releasing sexual aggression.
I understand this article is focused on the prevalence of rough sex but it misses the mark by using a simplistic correlation between something that is relatively still very rare (Death via consensual rough sex) and pornography, the later being something that is incredibly common throughout our society. I’d propose the real problem is that sex and pornography is still woefully underrepresented in our education system and within conversion throughout our society. Data from around the world shows overwhelming that sex education and education in general results in lower levels of sexual violence towards women.
Although it seems counter intuitive, demonising pornography will probably only further exacerbate the problem. Pornography isn’t going anywhere and no government action will ever be able to eradicate it from society. Instead of focusing our efforts on the futile task of restricting pornography and its consumption we should instead be pushing towards acceptance and making this ever increasingly popular phenomenon a socially acceptable topic. Japan has shown just how far things can go if sex and pornography remain separated from mainstream conversations and education.
Just my point of view so please feel free to disagree and break down my argument. Differing opinions should be celebrated as a victory for freedom of speech and unfortunately our society is shifting towards a state of toxic tribalism that restricts conversation between differing opinions.
Hi, Thank you so much for your comment! So glad to have people thinking critically about this issue and always welcome constructive criticism. I see your point and understand that for many people they are able to discern the differences between pornography and regular sex, however, I do disagree in some areas. Whilst, I completely agree sex education is greatly flawed and changes to this would result in a sharp reduction in violence, here I was trying to focus on what we can do as individuals. It is just a fact that what we consume affects our world view particularly at a young age and with the issues you highlighted, poor sex education leads many people to look to pornography to be taught about sex. The ‘rough’ BDSM and aggressive nature of much porn results in the belief that this is what ‘good’ sex should be. Whilst as I highlight in the article this has (in my view) contributed to the ‘rough sex defence’ it also has a number of other less extreme but similarly negative effects. Strangulation and other practices of rough sex, whilst often not causing death are often degrading for women and are not what they actually want despite the common belief this is the case. In any case, in my article I was trying to highlight that these practices are not normal and can be incredibly dangerous. At the same time, I understand the problems contributing to abnormal and harmful sexual practices are multi faceted and often complicated and never intended to insinuate they were as a result of pornography exclusively. I would highlight though, that pornography generally has very negative effects for women as a highly sexist industry with little protection of the worker’s rights. Therefore, I hesitate from celebrating it in anyway. Thanks again for your comment, happy to have further conversations about this! Hannah